The man you used to be

I miss the talks we shared, our dreams, our heartaches
I miss knowing that you'd catch me when I fell
I miss my rock, my solid dose of reality when I flew carelessly down the wrong path
I miss your stubble that you would scrub across my back to make me laugh
I miss thinking you were invincible
I miss knowing you were the smartest person alive
I miss sharing experiences and thoughts and feelings that no one else would understand
I miss feeling like someone actually got me, knew me and still loved me
I miss feeling so special because you chose me to be yours
I miss the deep belly laughs that would make me cry
I miss your stories that proved you were the most interesting person to ever live

I miss you.

cycle

Every day I wake up expecting
Every night I go to sleep pretending

Today I wandered around believing
Tonight I close my eyes knowing

weary

A star falling

I saw you fall through the deep night sky, burning brightly in your descent
I saw your last moment of glory bursting into oblivion
It seems perverse to wish upon your death, but it's worth the chance
If by some miracle you can take my dreams and disperse them in the universe, bring her to me
Be our one shining chance in a world that seems uncaring
Take our pleas and whisper them to god himself, give us faith
I wish I may, I wish I might... kiss my love another night

When a song bird forgets how to sing

When a song bird forgets her song, does she continue to live?
does she spend her days longing to sing?
When a song bird forgets her song, does she ever give up looking?
will she be destined to chasing the ever fading memory of sweet melody?
When a song bird forgets her song, will the music be forgotten?
does satisfaction become a dusty memory melting away?
When a song bird forgets her song, is she still a songbird?

Loving is never wrong

I feel as I've been placed in a time machine, torn from my world of understanding to a foregin and cruel existance. Love is pure, it is a fundamental right that you do not have to earn, you don't have to be anyone special or do any special tricks - it's just a given right. It's kind of like breathing, who says you have a right to breathe or not breathe? Silly, isn't it? I know there is misunderstanding and fear, I've seen that. But there are still people in this world that believe you are a monster, undeserving of life itself if you love the "wrong" person. Do you tell your body to breathe or your heart to pump? Just as these actions are involuntary, the love we feel and that attracts us to other people is involuntary. Do not get me wrong, I am not saying in any way that people are a certain way because "they cant help it". Even if we could "help it" most of us wouldn't change who we love for anything in the world. Being judged for the way your heart loves, the way your lungs breathe, the direction your blood flows seems like a pretty asinine notion in my humble opinion. The rights to judgement come with pretty hefty pricetags.

getting it right

I seem to end up in this black hole of a cycle before I even realize its all falling apart...
Why do I give myself away to the point of no recognition?
I am bleeding, yet I pick my heart off the floor, dust it a few good times and hand it right back out
Please, love me... please, see me... please understand I am imperfect and impatient
This mantra plays until the next fish comes along and swallows me up and then I will no longer be me.. again.

can do wrong

Nobody is perfect... you hear this over and over again. So, why do so many people expect you to be?

I swallowed my pride, laid down my defenses and came to you - heart in hand and took a leap of faith. Faith that if we were meant to be together that you would see me for who I am. Imperfect, broken, human yet beautiful and caring - completely in love and full of compassion for you. I apologized and explained my inner demons to you, for you to simply say "thanks". Why are the words that come from my mouth not important enough for you to hear? You profess that I am significant and important, so why then do you so carlessly dismiss my intentions? You cannot quiet your brain enough to listen. Without listening you will never truly understand me, the real me and not the me you've made me to be. I am brokenhearted by your indifference but you will never hear me say it even though I am shouting at the top of my lungs.

Peace Maker

Peace maker, wish taker... you make me smile
Colorful shadows on the wall - are you prepared to fall?
Your sweet, sweet voice lulls me into believing the world is beautiful
How do you wash away my sorrow with just the touch of your warm embrace
You take me broken and return me full and bursting with love
You've done this time and time again then thank me for being me
You are my angel, of that i am convinced
I cannot thank you enough, sweet beautiful song
you play the strings on your guitar but they resonate in my body... in my heart
You are a true friend and my soul brother
I love you

Sweet relief

I almost caved... I al.... mo..... st forgot.
But I caught myself. I caught myself feeling so helpless... again.
You cannot "make"me feel anything... very, very true.
But you can put your blinders on to anything outside of yourself and your self delusions, which in turn - "makes" me feel pain.
I thought things were different... this time.
Life has a funny way of smacking you in the face and making you get back on track.
No walking backwards... no slipping.
You poison me, entering me under the disguise of love.
We have different views on love.
That's the end of that. No more clarification needed... we love differently.
sweet is the relief of realizing this before my entire mind and heart was lost. Again.
Sayonara.

Babalou

Ahh... sweet sweet comfortable pain, I've been wondering where you'd gone
Like an old lover you fit sweetly back on my arm
We slip into our familiar dance dipped in lonliness, yet full of safe isolation
what good is a wall if you let anyone over it?

I hear their voices and smile my best smile and hope no one notices...
I blurt out my "uh huhs" and "I knows" here and there... it seems to be working
it's all bullshit
I am a shell on their couches and a mere heartbeat in their arms - it's you that I taste
I knew you were a momentary sweetness... a breath of fresh air - a revival
I prayed to you and sacraficed for you and became your clay for molding
but even as your fingers formed my creavaces and curves, I knew
this is my fault, sweet young babalou... I knew